All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
