# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
