direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
