We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
