Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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