and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
