I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
