One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
