We're like a lot better than the average bears
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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