Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
