u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
