They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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