3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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