every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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