just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
