i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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