Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
