I hate your face
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
