Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
