I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
