my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
