I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
