and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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