I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I didn't notice because vodka
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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