so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
