You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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