I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
