He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
