Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
