dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
