I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
