well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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