It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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