I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He passed out mid-signature
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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