i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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