Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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