dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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