I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize