About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
