what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
