I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
