Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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