I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
