She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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