when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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