love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
