You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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