when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
