i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
