I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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