i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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