she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
