it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
