he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was born a porn star she said
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You should frame my arrest warrant.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
