i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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