you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
