It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
