OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
