one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
this hospital has no fireball
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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