So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
