i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
