I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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