from now on my penis is your penis
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
