I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
