I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
