I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
be right there i have to get my cape
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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