Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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