You just made me feel so damn special
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
