and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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