Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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