our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
