we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
