3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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