I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
