i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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